The Phrases shared by A Dad That Helped Us during my time as a Brand-New Dad

"I think I was simply in survival mode for the first year."

Former reality TV cast member Ryan Libbey anticipated to cope with the demands of fatherhood.

Yet the actual experience rapidly turned out to be "utterly different" to what he'd imagined.

Severe health problems during the birth resulted in his partner Louise admitted to hospital. Abruptly he was forced into becoming her primary caregiver as well as taking care of their newborn son Leo.

"I was doing every night time, every change… every walk. The role of mother and father," Ryan stated.

After eleven months he became exhausted. That was when a conversation with his father, on a bench in the park, that made him realise he couldn't do it alone.

The straightforward phrases "You're not in a good spot. You require support. What can I do to assist you?" paved the way for Ryan to express himself truthfully, seek support and regain his footing.

His situation is commonplace, but seldom highlighted. Although people is now more comfortable talking about the stress on mothers and about post-natal depression, not enough is spoken about the struggles fathers face.

Asking for help is not weak to seek assistance

Ryan feels his difficulties are symptomatic of a wider reluctance to communicate between men, who often absorb harmful notions of masculinity.

Men, he says, frequently believe they must be "the harbour wall that just takes the pounding and remains standing every time."

"It is not a show of being weak to ask for help. I failed to do that quick enough," he clarifies.

Mental health expert Dr Jill Domoney, a researcher specialising in mental health surrounding childbirth, says men often don't want to accept they're struggling.

They can think they are "not a legitimate person to be requesting help" - particularly in front of a mother and child - but she highlights their mental health is just as important to the family.

Ryan's conversation with his dad provided him with the space to take a respite - taking a short trip overseas, away from the family home, to see things clearly.

He came to see he had to make a adjustment to pay attention to his and his partner's emotions alongside the day-to-day duties of taking care of a infant.

When he opened up to Louise, he discovered he'd missed "what she longed for" -holding her hand and listening to her.

Self-parenting

That realisation has reshaped how Ryan sees fatherhood.

He's now penning Leo regular notes about his journey as a dad, which he aspires his son will look at as he grows up.

Ryan hopes these will assist his son to better grasp the expression of emotional life and make sense of his approach to fatherhood.

The idea of "self-parenting" is something artist Professor Green - also known as Stephen Manderson - has also felt keenly since fathering his son Slimane, who is now four.

During his childhood Stephen was without reliable male parenting. Despite having an "incredible" bond with his dad, profound emotional pain meant his father had difficulty managing and was "present intermittently" of his life, affecting their connection.

Stephen says suppressing feelings resulted in him make "poor decisions" when younger to modify how he felt, finding solace in substance use as a way out from the hurt.

"You find your way to behaviours that are harmful," he explains. "They may temporarily change how you are feeling, but they will eventually make things worse."

Strategies for Managing as a First-Time Parent

• Open up to someone - if you feel under pressure, tell a trusted person, your spouse or a counsellor what you're going through. It can help to ease the pressure and make you feel more supported.
• Maintain your passions - make time for the things that allowed you to feel like you before becoming a parent. This might be exercising, meeting up with mates or playing video games.
• Pay attention to the physical stuff - nutritious food, physical activity and if you can, getting some sleep, all are important in how your mind is faring.
• Meet other new dads - listening to their journeys, the challenges, along with the positive moments, can help to validate how you're feeling.
• Remember that asking for help is not failure - prioritising your own well-being is the optimal method you can support your household.

When his father later died by suicide, Stephen naturally found it hard to accept the loss, having been out of touch with him for years.

In his current role as a parent, Stephen's committed not to "repeat the pattern" with his own son and instead offer the safety and emotional support he lacked.

When his son starts to have a meltdown, for example, they do "shaking the feelings out" together - expressing the frustrations constructively.

Each of Ryan and Stephen explain they have become more balanced, healthier men since they acknowledged their struggles, changed how they express themselves, and taught themselves to control themselves for their kids.

"I am now more capable of… sitting with things and managing things," says Stephen.

"I wrote that in a note to Leo the other week," Ryan says. "I expressed, on occasion I think my job is to teach and advise you what to do, but in reality, it's a exchange. I'm learning an equal amount as you are in this journey."